Spoiler 1: If you’re a friend or relative who clicked on
this hoping that I discovered a secret admirer who sent me a dozen roses this
morning…I didn’t. Sorry to disappoint.
Spoiler 2: If you are angry and bitter about Valentine’s Day
and would prefer to be miserable, wear black, and throw rocks at anyone passing
by who is holding hands with someone of the opposite gender, you might want to
skip this particular post. Come back later when I’m directing my sarcasm at
dating people instead of single ones.
What’s that you say? I can’t be sarcastic about singles if I
am one?
Really, people. This is America. And the last defenders of
freedom of speech will be gun owners and satire writers (and possibly also
conspiracy theorists). I maintain that I can mock a group that I am a part of
without being a hypocrite. Which leads to….
Spoiler 3: When making fun of single people, I am also
making fun of myself. So I’m not entirely a jerk. Please keep that in mind when
sending me angry letters.
Single people typically dislike Valentine’s Day. You may
have noticed this. Also, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, what
goes up must come down, and vanilla Frosties are not worthy of that title,
since everyone knows that only chocolate Frosties are legitimate.
Despite the fact that I'm not currently in a relationship, I love Valentine’s Day. Not because I get warm and fuzzy
feelings when I see couples gazing into each other’s eyes. I’m not much of a
hopeless romantic.
But I am a ninja.
One of the books that has had a big influence on my life is Try Giving Yourself Away, by David Dunn,
first published in 1953. It’s about making a habit of giving away little bits
of yourself: compliments, letters, credit for a job well done, hugs.
One thing I’ve noticed is that these gifts work best when
they’re both unexpected and sincere. Thus the ninja part, which is my own edit
and not in the original book.
Unexpected and sincere.
You know when it’s the perfect time to be nice to a clerk at
the grocery store who has had a dozen desperate guys yell at her because there
are only wilted daisy bouquets left? Valentine’s Day.
The time when your friends, particularly if they’re not in
romantic relationships, would appreciate hearing why you think they’re pretty
cool? Valentine’s Day.
The most unexpected day to show grace to the waitress who
got the order wrong? Valentine’s Day.
The evening when a nice Facebook comment or post on
someone’s wall might actually have an impact instead of filling up a busy
newsfeed? Valentine’s Day.
I mean, any day will work for these kinds of things. But I
recently had a discovery that showed me why it might be more important to be
deliberate about loving others on this holiday.
You see, on Valentine’s Day, lots of single people are
feeling tired and frustrated and lonely and even scared. One of our deepest
shadow fears that we don’t like to admit or express is being alone. Being unworthy
of love.
This is probably because we’ve made romance the major,
end-all, if-you-don’t-have-this-you’re-not-a-complete-person kind of love.
Which we shouldn’t have done.
But, single people out there, the response to this should
not be to be angry and complain about this dumb holiday and those dumb chick
flicks and every dumb couple we’ve ever known who will probably break up
tomorrow and come running to us for Kleenex and sympathy.
It’s interesting. When you fight the fear of inadequacy in
others by doing what you can to show love to people on Valentine’s Day, you
don’t feel quite as afraid yourself. Or as frustrated or tired or lonely.
So Valentine’s Day. Totally made up holiday? Probably.
Ridiculously commercialized? Oh yeah.
Perfect chance to love people in totally counter-cultural
ways? Yep, it’s that too.
Best day ever.
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