Four Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Write Letters

Most people know I’m in a strange, old-fashioned category of people who still write letters. There is actually a line in my budget labeled, “Postage.” I buy stamps in bulk. One of my most frequent complaints is that the US Postal Service is supposed to persevere through any kind of weather, but will shut down for every single minor official holiday.

But I’ve seen the light.

That’s right, friends and blog readers. I have repented of my letter-writing ways. From now on, I will use only electronic communication (and then only when absolutely necessary). Here are a few good reasons to let the art of letter-writing die.

Sorry, summer pen pals. It's all over now. Thanks for writing, though.

Simplicity

I can fire off a Facebook message in seconds. And we all know that efficiency is the single best measurement of communication. Maybe the only measurement. If you send someone a letter, you have to grab paper and a pencil, get their address, form actual words with your own handwriting, and buy a stamp. An incredible waste of your time (not to mention the rising cost of postage). Also, with hand-written letters, there’s this general idea that you should put thought into what you’re saying instead of just reacting in as few characters as possible, Twitter-style. That has to go. In fact, I think all of our communication would be better if we got right the point and skipped any personal information and small talk. Because who are we trying to fool? No one cares, and we’re wasting their precious time.

The Five Best Ways to Say Goodbye to Me

Understatement of the year: I strongly dislike saying goodbyes. But, since I'm graduating, I’ve been doing a lot of that recently, with more to go. I’ve noticed that, for some people, it’s hard to know what to do or say when saying goodbye to a college graduate. In the name of helping people out of unnecessarily awkward situations, I have compiled a list of five ways to say goodbye to me.

A hundred million bonus points to you if you somehow manage to do all five at once.

One: Give me a hug.

I like hugs. And this week, I might need them.

Two: Find a “See you in heaven if not sooner” card instead of a graduation card.

I’m really just kidding. Graduation cards are great (although whoever invented those dumb hats probably thinks it’s hilarious that their practical joke has stuck for this long).

Seriously, though, the prospect of an infinite amount of time with these great people who I might not see again around here is very encouraging. Especially because in heaven, we won’t have stupid misunderstandings or bad tempers or frustratingly vague relationships or any of that nonsense. It’s going to be a party.

Three: Tell me you’re praying for me.

Graduation is scary, and I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing yet. I appreciate people saying they’ll miss me and they’ll pray for me.

Four: Vandalize something I own.

This may seem counter-intuitive, but throwing a rock through my window, slashing my tires, or painting a frowny-face on my laptop screen allows me to be angry at you instead of sad that you’re leaving. I can channel all of my negative emotions into yelling at/suing you instead of just being miserable that you’re cool and I’m going away.

(I’m totally kidding, by the way. Put that can of spraypaint down, sir.)

Five: Fill out an application to be my pen pal.

I am not actually kidding about this one. I love writing letters. I’m also really bad at keeping track of addresses. So this was my solution. Also, the questions were just really fun to write.

Here’s the application. Copy it, fill it out and either print it and give it to me, or send it to me via email. I can’t promise more than a letter or two a year, depending on how many people do this, but I would love to stay in touch with you the snail mail way.

So, thanks to everyone reading this blog who’s been a part of my four years of college. I love you, I’ll miss you, I’m looking forward to seeing you and hearing from you again in whatever form that takes.

Four Reasons Why I Don’t Want a Secret Admirer

Let’s start this off with a confession: When I was writing out my college bucket list last year (things I wanted to do before graduation), I almost added, “Have a secret admirer.”

Because, admit it, that sounds cool, right? I could just picture it…I’d get a note with letters cut out of a magazine…in a code based on the Gettysburg Address…with flowers arranged according to the art of Victorian floral language. (Because if a guy was willing to go to that much trouble, he’d totally be leaving me an anonymous note.)

Then I thought about it for another five seconds and realized that this was not something I actually wanted. This became especially true this week when a “Secret Admirers” Facebook page for my university popped up, where people could leave anonymous notes of love, dramatic tributes to a secret crush’s good qualities, or ridiculously obvious jokes.

Content issues and general creepiness aside, most of the posts are harmless and pretty entertaining, even if you know half of them are written by the person’s roommate as a prank. Still, it made me think about secret admirers again, and why I don’t want one. Here are a few reasons:

One: It’s too easy. 

I think I’ve said this before (wait…I know I have—here): I can sometimes be extremely awkward about accepting compliments. Or giving them. But, in general, things that are hard for us are also really good for us. So maybe venting our emotions anonymously on a Facebook page really doesn’t do much as far as developing our personal character, especially in areas like courage, honesty, and self-control.

Along these lines, a lot of people on the Secret Admirers page will post or comment about the fact that people should just muster up the bravery to tell the guy or girl about their undying affection in person instead of posting anonymously. And I see their point. But I think you can take another angle on this too: in some circumstances it might be better to not tell the guy or girl to their face OR post on Facebook.

Let me explain (and also give the warning that this may sound somewhat heartless). Many of the posts are to people who are already dating or engaged, or from people who say the guy/girl is “out of my league,” so they’re clearly not ready to be in a relationship with that person. If you know that, why not have the self-control to keep your crush to yourself? Or better yet, stop pretending that puppy love is this irresistible force that makes you dream about a guy or girl who is not yours to dream about. It’s not. Just because we have the capability to anonymously post our every emotion on Facebook doesn’t mean we should.

Graduation and the Dead Letter File

In my desk at home, there is a file labeled, “Unsent Letters.”

Near the end of my senior year of high school, I started a list of people who I wanted to thank. I wrote brief notes about how they had impacted me, some of them without even knowing it. Most weren’t fully written out, but all of them were sincere.

There are no envelopes in the file.

I never sent them. I’m not even sure I ever intended to send them. It was a portrait of me, a helpful exercise to see who I was going into college, and what had made me that way.

Some of the compliments found life in comments in people’s graduation cards or in their open house guest book or with actual words to the person’s face. There weren’t very many of those. Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell people what I admire about them.

To me, “unsent letters” has the same sad ring as “if only.” It sounds too much like regret. It’s the progression from “I could have sent them” to “I would have sent them if….” And, of course, there’s always the quiet, nagging wonder, thinking about those dead letters, if “I should have sent them.”

How will other people know what they mean to us unless we tell them?

Defending Snail Mail

Letters are scary things, apparently. Or they take too much time to write. Or there’s the rising costs of stamps. Or that disgusting glue on envelopes.

Yes, there are lots of excellent reasons not to write letters.

But there’s one very good reason why you should, and it sounds a lot like the Golden Rule. Think about how excited you get when you get a real letter in the mail. (If this never happens to you anymore, send me your address. I’d be happy to give you this experience so you can relate.) It’s nice to know that someone cares enough to take a writing instrument in their own one hand and jot down a note.

So do that for other people.