Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The Five Best Ways to Say Goodbye to Me

Understatement of the year: I strongly dislike saying goodbyes. But, since I'm graduating, I’ve been doing a lot of that recently, with more to go. I’ve noticed that, for some people, it’s hard to know what to do or say when saying goodbye to a college graduate. In the name of helping people out of unnecessarily awkward situations, I have compiled a list of five ways to say goodbye to me.

A hundred million bonus points to you if you somehow manage to do all five at once.

One: Give me a hug.

I like hugs. And this week, I might need them.

Two: Find a “See you in heaven if not sooner” card instead of a graduation card.

I’m really just kidding. Graduation cards are great (although whoever invented those dumb hats probably thinks it’s hilarious that their practical joke has stuck for this long).

Seriously, though, the prospect of an infinite amount of time with these great people who I might not see again around here is very encouraging. Especially because in heaven, we won’t have stupid misunderstandings or bad tempers or frustratingly vague relationships or any of that nonsense. It’s going to be a party.

Three: Tell me you’re praying for me.

Graduation is scary, and I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing yet. I appreciate people saying they’ll miss me and they’ll pray for me.

Four: Vandalize something I own.

This may seem counter-intuitive, but throwing a rock through my window, slashing my tires, or painting a frowny-face on my laptop screen allows me to be angry at you instead of sad that you’re leaving. I can channel all of my negative emotions into yelling at/suing you instead of just being miserable that you’re cool and I’m going away.

(I’m totally kidding, by the way. Put that can of spraypaint down, sir.)

Five: Fill out an application to be my pen pal.

I am not actually kidding about this one. I love writing letters. I’m also really bad at keeping track of addresses. So this was my solution. Also, the questions were just really fun to write.

Here’s the application. Copy it, fill it out and either print it and give it to me, or send it to me via email. I can’t promise more than a letter or two a year, depending on how many people do this, but I would love to stay in touch with you the snail mail way.

So, thanks to everyone reading this blog who’s been a part of my four years of college. I love you, I’ll miss you, I’m looking forward to seeing you and hearing from you again in whatever form that takes.

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